Blog #5

Dr. Bearhugg: (2 rs? 2 gs?)

Lookin for a recipe for a bloody mary and meanwhile, the rest of this gig is looking for a recipe for an audience. Seriously, folks, please, please start showing up! These groups are slaying comedy poon left and right and twenty people are showing up. Dr Bearhugg is running with a really interesting concept about trying to find the cure for a hangover/psiorasis, Goodbar!, on the other hand, has already discovered the perfect recipe for a grilled cheese. This grilled cheese is very, very good. Three types of cheese and a great grain bread, my only complaint is that it's a little greasy. The fries are tasy and that only adds to the overall effect. The Doc Bearhugg member portraying "Tommy" is sporting a great northern 'Sconny accent/Rick Moranis Canuck accent. Doctor Bearhugg has wrapped and the show rolls on...


Erik (of TBR) is yammering on about not being able to do stand-up and I'm sure he's got nothing useful to add about "stand-up" as an artform. -- NOTE*: The ketchup for the fries taste suspiciously like cocktail sauce but it could be the Blue Moon fucking with my palate.-- Meanwhile, back at the ranch, Erik is still wandering and droning on about stand up and how he's got the roots for a swarm of "great" stand-up jokes. I staunchly disagree.


Unrelated:

Father-son duo stepping right up to the plate and talking about a new school a new state and "Hey, he's driving here!" These guys are talking about punching each other per discovering a new car, ie: "Slug Bug" "PT Cruiser Bruiser." And with the mention of the PT Cruiser I'm immediately reminded of the hilarious video by SweatHeart. Funeral puns in a funeral commercial? Now I've seen it all!

Overplayed Shakespeare? Some of this hits a note from high school but some of it is pretty funny. Really I can't wait to find out who the hell wiins the bottle of free champagne; merely so that I can snag some of that delicous nectar of the gods*.

Alright, for the third installment of the "Jerry Funeral Parlor" jokes, the youngster lost his kibble and bits for a second or two but well played Unrelated.

The Bryan Room:

Okay! first skit of the night from TBR this night was broken up by the oafish live-blogger popping open the bottle of champagne and scaring the bejesus out of TBR and amusing to no end the champagne winners, Anthony and Molly. A handsome couple if I've ever seen.

TBR now is inside of a hair salon and they're working on their respective do's and the things they've got to get done, and manlycure, "you know like a manicure for a dude." Erik, the mumbler, is trying really hard to get his taint waxed and now he wants to get a shave...Erik comes home from a haircut and feels like his barber hates him (big surprise) Ian, their roommates, cuts his own hair. I'm really wondering how the champagne drinkers are doing with their bottle, they're a little more than halfway done and I've explained that they need to drink faster because I time everybody who drinks a bottle of champagne (not really or at all) and now Anthony is fairly interested in winning the timed competition of drinking champagne that doesn't really exist...

Cowboy Don:

The boys from Donald Cowboy Ranch are in rarest of forms thus far...still loud and still hilarious.

There's this hugeass mirror behind me that I lean against every night while I'm liveblogging and I honestly get concerned every time the back of my head hits the mirror that I'm leaving a grease spot because I sweat so much on riding my bike over to Goodbar. I think it's sorta tricky to drink champagne really fast, BECAUSE if you drink too fast you get extremely "urpy" extremely quickly and right now I'm wondering, NO the duo of Molly and Anthony do not get "urpy" from drinking too quickly. They're both feeling "great" although "Tony," as I'm going to call him from now on, was quick to admit to feeling "buzzed" already and he was surprised by that. Remember, folks, these innocent champagne winners did not get to eat a terrific grilled cheese. Jesus! "terrific" is such a pain in the ass word to spell. Honestly, I always want to throw in the double "r" double "f" deal. Cowboy Don is rapping about the college experience. OK, here's the thing about this liveblog: there's no wifi. Jesus, is Pat from CD ever fucking loud.

SketchUp and Mustard:

Alright, this team has taken a suggestion from the crowd and it's "X" and "C," my spider-jokes about drug-sense is tingling!

So it looks like our champagne winner "Anthony" [Ed. if that's his real name!] is not only a connoseiur of terrible wines but also a member of SketchUp and Mustard. I don't use the term "Benedict Arnold" very often, in fact, this may be the first time; however! I'm dumbfounded by the treachery that our champagne winning SOB has maltreated the bond of trust that he and I had. I opened a bottle of bubbly for this charlatan! Had I known that he was a memeber of a comedy team I'd certainly have made him open his own bottle. My right arm is breaking out in some sort of minor and itchy rash and it's bugging the heck out of me. Not on a Abu Gharib level but still torturous. That liar "Anthony" at least seems to be suffering the most minor of effects from the champagne and I'm still utter shock at his level of deception, my faith in humanity? Consider it rocked!

*Not really nectar of the gods so much as it's a sparkling American white.

Blog #3 (sorta, maybe, #4)

THE Puterbaugh Sisters

Discussing toothaches, menstrual cramps and whooping cough with songs and British affectations. Everything is olde-timey, just like if I owned a Delorean! [Ed. What?]. Just dropped a Blazing Saddles reference and we are now traveling thru time...costume change...now in 1942: Hitler jokes with car horns, Auschwitz jokes -- "It's a real gas!" Zing. Slide whistles and Eleanor Roosevelt jokes, man, old ER really resembled a man. Just had an extended riff on Tom Hanks movies and now it's time for a song.

Mexicans are the new blacks? Replace the Negroes with Wetbacks? If you're not white, you're not right! Damn straight, sister.

More slide whistles, entendres and stump fucking "stumpy parts in lumpy parts" et cetera...

Some Sisters Team performed <------ No, really, I typed this meaningless and baffling sentence fragment at the end of their routine...I really don't know.


Jenna friedman:

She's got an old timey radio mic and just described the blogger as "post-modern" I'll be goddammed if blogging is post-modern; if anything it's contemporary, so you, Jenna Friedman, can go to Hell. Jenna is apparently getting fired and is really looking forward to it, by her logic bitterness = comic gold. Now she's talking about interviews and dudes that her friends dated in college. Nailed the interview! and never heard back from the guy.then raped her friend's exboyfriend with ..This girl is really having fun with the limited audience tonight

Dating part: Went on a lunch date (to where Olive Garden? [Ed. Yes! Run with it.]) with a guy she's surprised has money, on the way back her beau drops her off by the doorguy with the cleft foot. Her date is a recovering alcoholic and she really needs to drink around him, Funny!

Jenna almost became a mom the other day by kidnapping a baby, I liked this joke more when it was called Raising Arizona. Apparently it was an Asian baby, cuter than whitey?

Crunch Fitness: Crazy, cheezy time. Loud music like a school shooting, huh? How's your Crunch experience? Send them photos of headless women...Likes having sex with AIDS patients? positiveornot.com -- Tried going to this website and I got an error message, sad. Also, if it's a fake site, well done, Jenna, you duped the Blogger.
"Fake Comic with a Mic" @ Carols and a girl rolls up (literally) in a wheelchair which reminds me of a girl who shows up at Continental (bar I work at) in a wheelchair. I assume these two people are the same. Onstage Jenna cracks wise about the girl in the wheelchair being a great coat hanger...

Jerks!

Jamie (of Jerks) once won the famed champagne bean bag toss that Bryan Room has, not tonight, because, well, there's nobody in attendance...

The boys are talking about getting doored by a taxi cab and not ever becoming bike messengers, which makes me remember how nervous I am 'bout my Brooks saddle getting stolen.

Now the boys are riffin' on whose son is more awesome. One can do something with a rabbit and the other is suffering from cystic fibrosis and also chain smokes..."Fuck you for making fun of my son!" "It is hard to take interest in your son when his only activity as an 11 yr old is coloring."

Jump and we're now on a camping trip. Earning badges and having fun on the discussion of normal vs non-normal intercourse. Albert has got a pee-pee shaped like a "W" after being into plastics molding for a while. Albert's friend has now agreed to have intercourse with Albert's wife and Albert is lamenting the fact that "nobody could fit this thing into there." Conjoin houses? Live completely together? Put it straight in your wife and shoot it clear? This is a good camping trip. Albert needs to get over his insecurities in regards to the "W" penis.

Jump and we are done with camping. Now the boys are roadies? Musicians? in any case they are adjusting speakers and talking about Thin Lizzy. Thin Lizzy is looking for a job and is very concerned about drug testing...Thin Lizzy is on anti-depressants and you know what? the people are laughing at him. He also has fiber amylgia and it hurts everywhere...the guys are really focusing on the genetic diseases tonight. Once again I'm missing a relevant/fun NBA game tonight to blog about wisecracking.

An OAK:

First timers, and they are not funny. I'm going to get another beer. More bike accident jokes? Jesus! Now they are asking for adverbs and adjectives...good stuff, not really. This guy is impersonating a flamboyantly gay guy and it just isn't carrying over. Oh how I wish I could be watching the Spurs versus Lakers, Jesus, yesterday at my internship I was thinking hard about how the Spurs are the NBA equivalent to the Bush administration, I mean, think about it, they both came to power at the turn-of-the-century, they both contstantly rebut any and all challengers in spite of themselves and they both seem to have the uncanny ability to dodge any potentially crippling attacks against their person. See, Bush Abu Ghraib and Spurs, see Bowen, Bruce OR Horry hip-checking Nash in the '07 'offs. I'll argue all night and all day that the Spurs are as malevolent and single-minded as any crocodile, however, the big difference is that with a crocodile you can't get angry at instinct and you can't revolt againt nature. With the Spurs I had these, evidently, misconceived notions that the New Orleans were the Obama of these playoffs "Yes We Can" and all that bullshit, however, following the Spurs win on Sunday to send the Hornets home for the summer, "No We Can't."

Back to "An Oak" and they are actually making some minor progress, lamenting and riffing on the problems with pop-culture and/or television/cinema. I'm pretty sure they made a Golden Girls reference.

The Bryan Room:

Alright, the boys from Bryan Room are up next, last but not least and all that bullshit. WoW! Erik just completely fell apart with a silly voice and now sean and Ian are shouting at each other about zombies. Erik is playing some character named Dan who sounds like Bob Dylan and Mr. Magoo. Sean is attempting to reanimate some corpses and, presumably, the three of them work at a Fuddruckers? Sp?



Jump and now Erik has dropped the silly volice and is in a job interview? Okay, yes, it's an interview for a rodeo and Erik wants to be a murderer of bulls? hired under one pretense and has a secret mission: to kill the bulls. This bull-killing skit has been improv-tacular and now that the Dylan/Magoo man has returned the whole thing is coming together like peanut butter and jelly.

Tonight has been a really hilarious night, terrible crowd (I'm the only person who is not a performer) and everybody persevered and something, something....

Old Timey Bryan Roome

Really great show tonight, these youngsters have got comic chops in spades!

Abbott: Well Costello, I'm going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Yankee's manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you're on the team.

Costello: Look Abbott, if you're the coach, you must know all the players.

Abbott: I certainly do.

Costello: Well you know I've never met the guys. So you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's playing on the team.

Abbott: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give these ball players now-a-days very peculiar names.

Costello: You mean funny names?

Abbott: Strange names, pet names...like Dizzy Dean...

Costello: His brother Daffy.

Abbott: Daffy Dean...

Costello: And their French cousin.

Abbott: French?

Costello: Goofè.

Abbott: Goofè Dean. Well, let's see, we have on the bags, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know is on third...

Costello: That's what I want to find out.

Abbott: I say Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third.

Costello: Are you the manager?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: You gonna be the coach too?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: And you don't know the fellows' names?

Abbott: Well I should.

Costello: Well then who's on first?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: I mean the fellow's name.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy on first.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The first baseman.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy playing...

Abbott: Who is on first!

Costello: I'm asking YOU who's on first.

Abbott: That's the man's name.

Costello: That's who's name?

Abbott: Yes.

Costello: Well go ahead and tell me.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's who?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, you gotta first baseman?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: Who's playing first?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money?

Abbott: Every dollar of it.

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name on first base.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy that gets...

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Who gets the money...

Abbott: He does, every dollar. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it.

Costello: Whose wife?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Abbott: What's wrong with that?

Costello: Look, all I wanna know is when you sign up the first baseman, how does he sign his name?

Abbott: Who.

Costello: The guy.

Abbott: Who.

Costello: How does he sign...

Abbott: That's how he signs it.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Yes.

PAUSE

Costello: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name on first base.

Abbott: No. What is on second base.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: One base at a time!

Abbott: Well, don't change the players around.

Costello: I'm not changing nobody!

Abbott: Take it easy, buddy.

Costello: I'm only asking you, who's the guy on first base?

Abbott: That's right.

Costello: Ok.

Abbott: All right.

PAUSE

Costello: What's the guy's name on first base?

Abbott: No. What is on second.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third, we're not talking about him.

Costello: Now how did I get on third base?

Abbott: Why you mentioned his name.

Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say is playing third?

Abbott: No. Who's playing first.

Costello: What's on first?

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott: He's on third.

Costello: There I go, back on third again!

PAUSE

Costello: Would you just stay on third base and don't go off it.

Abbott: All right, what do you want to know?

Costello: Now who's playing third base?

Abbott: Why do you insist on putting Who on third base?

Costello: What am I putting on third.

Abbott: No. What is on second.

Costello: You don't want who on second?

Abbott: Who is on first.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together:Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: Look, you gotta outfield?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: I just thought I'd ask you.

Abbott: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.

Costello: Then tell me who's playing left field.

Abbott: Who's playing first.

Costello: I'm not... stay out of the infield! I want to know what's the guy's name in left field?

Abbott: No, What is on second.

Costello: I'm not asking you who's on second.

Abbott: Who's on first!

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: The left fielder's name?

Abbott: Why.

Costello: Because!

Abbott: Oh, he's centerfield.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, You gotta pitcher on this team?

Abbott: Sure.

Costello: The pitcher's name?

Abbott: Tomorrow.

Costello: You don't want to tell me today?

Abbott: I'm telling you now.

Costello: Then go ahead.

Abbott: Tomorrow!

Costello: What time?

Abbott: What time what?

Costello: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's pitching?

Abbott: Now listen. Who is not pitching.

Costello: I'll break your arm, you say who's on first! I want to know what's the pitcher's name?

Abbott: What's on second.

Costello: I don't know.

Abbott & Costello Together: Third base!

PAUSE

Costello: Gotta a catcher?

Abbott: Certainly.

Costello: The catcher's name?

Abbott: Today.

Costello: Today, and tomorrow's pitching.

Abbott: Now you've got it.

Costello: All we got is a couple of days on the team.

PAUSE

Costello: You know I'm a catcher too.

Abbott: So they tell me.

Costello: I get behind the plate to do some fancy catching, Tomorrow's pitching on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter bunts the ball. When he bunts the ball, me, being a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base. So I pick up the ball and throw it to who?

Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right.

Costello: I don't even know what I'm talking about!

PAUSE

Abbott: That's all you have to do.

Costello: Is to throw the ball to first base.

Abbott: Yes!

Costello: Now who's got it?

Abbott: Naturally.

PAUSE

Costello: Look, if I throw the ball to first base, somebody's gotta get it. Now who has it?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Naturally?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: So I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally.

Abbott: No you don't, you throw the ball to Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's different.

Costello: That's what I said.

Abbott: You're not saying it...

Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally.

Abbott: You throw it to Who.

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: That's what I said!

Abbott: You ask me.

Costello: I throw the ball to who?

Abbott: Naturally.

Costello: Now you ask me.

Abbott: You throw the ball to Who?

Costello: Naturally.

Abbott: That's it.

Costello: Same as you! Same as YOU! I throw the ball to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and the guy runs to second. Who picks up the ball and throws it to What. What throws it to I Don't Know. I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and hits a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!

Abbott: What?

Costello: I said I don't give a darn!

Abbott: Oh, that's our shortstop.

Blog #2

Caveats: The blogging sucked and the much ballyhooed "video" was totally fucked up by yours truly. Sorry, mea culpa! I'll be better next time. -Brian


Blue Shampoo

And we're back! Back for the second time, for some reason T.B.R. (“The Bryan Room,” if you will) was gracious enough to not fire me after last time's uh, interesting interpretation of the comedy that appeared on stage. Tonight, I've got a digital video camera and I'll be employing it for some official documentation. On stage right now we've got Blue Shampoo and we'll they need to clean up their act, get it? Huh, just got done videotaping for the first time and, well, I think it's gonna work pretty well. Tested out the zoom feature and yes, this digital video cam zooms in and zooms out. Oh, technology, will you ever cease to amaze me? Speaking of technology the Goodbar still doesn't have wifi so, I'll be stopping by a bar with wireless on my way home. Yeah, liveblogging isn't live, much like freedom isn't free.

Watching Blue Shampoo right now, it's a lot like watching a second baseman shagging balls, what? I don't really know what any of that last sentence means, but still, “cardinal desires?” Who in the Fuck is Freddy, how is this comedy? Again? The ingredients are here and the recipe just isn't working...

For the second time in as many liveblogs I'm missing some really awesome NBA action while doing liveblogging and Jesus! I'm out of beer and the sonofabitch bartenders won't notice my empty glass for the life of me. This afternoon I went on a date with a 31 year old who gave me her digits while I was working at the bar on Saturday night. I didn't realize she was 31 until halfway through the date today and her birthday is May 25. My birthday is next Tuesday and I'll be dining at Schwa. Also, a Bill Buckner joke? Listen, people don't give a shit about old Red Sox players except for old Red Sox fans like that jackhole Bill Simmons. I'm gonna go get another beer...

FrankenReagan:

And we're back, back with a new refilled beer. FrankenReagan doing some okay stuff on stage with one guy doing a very interesting interpretation of “Doug” Michael Showalter's old character from The State. FrankenReagan are talking about quizbowl vs football and how most of the team is shorter than the quizbowl character. “Pick a number.” “Three.” “I'll take 200.” Oh, Jesus! I can't believe that in fucking Lincoln Park I can't steal one goddamm wireless signal. How I yearn to know what the scores are. On my date today with the 31 year old we left with a hug and her saying, “I'm gonna visit you at work...” God, what a line! do people really like it when friends/sexual interests visit you at work?


Champagne Winners!


The champagne winners for tonight, btw: are Paul and his lady friend, Megan, whose name I cannot recall at the moment. Fret not! I shall learn her name posthaste. When we opened the bottle of bubbly a lot of the sparkling white spilled on the floor. Sorry, mea culpa. Champagne really not treating my stomach too well at this point. Very harsh, very acidic. It's not champagne either, this is definitely an amerikan sparkling white.

The Bryan Room:

Talking some retail jokes. Makin with the haha, I once worked retail and tried to sell computers to a guy. Erik from Bryan Room is doing a real good job of being a fussy charlie when it comes to buying merchandise for himself.

Paul and Megan are lovely champagne winners had a really rough time with dinner tonight, where it seemed like the waitstaff really fucked up their order. Megan ordered a turkey burger and they gave her an absolutely disgusting appearing turkery sandwich Fortunately, the courteous bartenders gave Megan and Paul a free shot. I didn't get a free shot-or any shot-but still! Nice work, Goodbar.

“All my decisions I hate them.”

Ohhghhh, really hoping that the next time I buy an appliance the movers don't put it in front of the only window in my apartment. So, TBR is going on some kind of a whirlwind comedy show, we've had interns being ridiculed, persian rug/appliance delivery men, retail guys & customer... I'm forgetting some stuff but still it's been fun. Up next we've got those funny guys Nick and Jamie who ALSO! have a debut performance at the Balliwick Theatre on Friday. Does anybody else really have a problem with how Chicagoans pronounce the word, “chicago??” Simply can't stand the enunciation.

Batch 285

Jamie, Nick, Nick all making funny. Tonight the subject is forest fires and the boys are just letting the bitch burn! Four firefighters discussing how their lovers handle the dynamics of dating firefighters who want to be black knights. Five years from now? Killing the pope. Did I get the job? Hey, you know what's funny? Your kid having AIDS after acquiring it from the dentist. Yeah, so my friends are hosting a birthday bbq for me on Saturday and I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna bring some pot brownies to the whole shebang and not tell anyone. “Yeah, I made some guacamole, some brownies and I brought a 12 pack of a microbrew!” No one's the wiser...

Blog #1

Cutlass Supreme:

Well, let's do some blogging. There's one guy in this troupe who's much meatier than the rest. Speaking of meaty! I had the best and most meaty chicken burrito from Q-Doba today. The owner of the ironically named “Goodbar” scolded me for bringing that delicious tortilla wrapped sandwich of “pollo” up into his establishment but still it was tasty.

Whoa! Somebody in this “comedy” group just dropped an F Bomb! and my ears are scorching. Next a sexual allusion gag between a guy and a girl. The guy reminds me of what Andy Dick should've been when he was 14. The girl, a superbly flirtatious Southerner, I assume. Now they're talking more about dessert foods. Hey, if it's not QDOBA it's probably not delicious and definitely not funny. These people are humorous though, don't get me wrong. The one guy reminds me of the girl I lost my virginity to. She was a 31 year old, so, I suppose the term “woman” is much more apt.

Jesus! These people are trying to make God funny. Meanwhile, the waitstaff is busting through this performance guns a'blazin' with orders of what? “Hot Wings” “Hey Fatty, there's plenty more high fructose corn-syrup in that “Hot and Tangy” sauce to go around, so why not save your mantits some stress and share the wings. That really didn't make sense. Sorry. I'll try harder next time I try to make a joke.

Now we're talking! These guys are making fun of retards or drunks, both of which I find to be comic gold! Yep! They've got a retard who's drunk. Perfect! Fuck, what happened? No more drunk retard? Food critics? That's not funny. Well, not as funny as a drunk retard.

The lights dimmed for a second, I assume because of some drunken reprobate slipping or falling into the power breakers in the basement. Okay, I zoned out for the last skit but now they've got some funny porn/elementary bake school jazz going and I always roll with that. Well played, Cutlass Supreme, well played.
Now they're discussing the Nazis and gold. Not funny. Only good thing to come from the Holocaust-Dead Jew jokes. Fact of Science. Well, maybe some Nazi gold jokes about the American government being broke without it are funny.

The lights come down and the music starts and the show rolls on.

Nate Fernald

Nate recently netflixed Dragon Wars *to be noted at this point I, the blogger, interrupted Nate to find out how spell his last name. He was very polite about the whole matter. Nate, I'm sorry I interrupted. Nate just sold the rights to “Anne Frank: The Blog” also he's apparently got terrible taste in movies.

Oh! I should note there's a free bottle of champagne (though methinks it's technically a “sparkling white.”)

Meanwhile, Nate just made an “Internet” joke about myspace while talking about pizza. Awesome! Also, myspace? not facebook? Dude, you're game is sooo 2005.Wait, he just dropped a mad pedophillia zinger. Good work.
What? Discussing gentrification? gangs? white people? I guess it all makes sense if not funny. Ties in the bad movie joke with a Saw reference, good work. Nate's getting down with chocolate and chicks but also arguing against date rape which, of course, leaves me conflicted! Yet stil manages to tie it together with a marriage and sex joke. Kudos, sir.


Champagne Winners are...
Bangin'. Straight Bangin'!

Alright the lucky two Hardy Boys for tonight were Jamie and Kenny and they are chuggin' the champagne (sparkling white wine) straight from the bottle. Sirs, I salute you both. You're Cornhole skills are the stuff of legend.

Dr. Bearhugg:
Now we're making fun of airplanes? I thought that happened in a movie called, “Airplane” but these guys are doing what they have to. Also, they are pretty fucking funny. Jack off? I haven't heard masturbation referred to as that in a long time. *Note to self reintroduce the term “Jack Off” into my parlance. Also, dropping a Kathy Ireland reference, nice work. Remember that amazing bathing suit she wore on the 1990 SI cover? Heck! Some things were more rad pre-Internet, but not blogging, no sirree. Blogging is much cooler now that the World Wide Web has opened things up.

These guys-not sure what they're talking about- BUT they did just drop a hilarious Christmas Eve joke. Also at same time they're talking about weather and ass-kicking and cripples.

The Bryan Room:

Alright, The Bryan Room are doing their thing. Meanwhile, I'll be checking out for the next 7-9 minutes for no real reason. Also, did I mention that Golden State vs Dallas is on right now and I'm missing it because of this damn live-blogging crap. I won't want to but I may have to boycott the first round of the NBA playoffs if Golden State doesn't make the playoffs. Seriously, Sean is in rare form tonight! “Spinal Tap of Aisan!” that's the standout line thus far. I've got some standout boogers right now, that's one of the few bonuses of getting over a cold, along with regaining sense of taste and/or smell. But radical boogers way up there. Back to checking out and wondering what's happening in G-State vs Dallas. Meanwhile back at the ranch, Sean was doing some mime bowling for a moment and I'm really wondering about that Q-Doba burrito. Oh and the waitstaff are once again interrupting the tables of audience members.

Jamie knows how to party. That's right ladies and he's single!
Champagne update: Kenny, he of the funny thing about Kenny is he can't drink from a bottle, is that he can't drink from a bottle. Jamie and I are over here having an amazing time taking pulls from the bottle of J. Roget (American) “Champagne” (Sparkling White) and Kenny (“Mr Frenchman Dr. Bearhugg”) is too good for us.

“The thing about cops is they're nobody left to police us.” “The thing about criminals is you've got other criminals doing criminals.”

Cowboy Don:

These guys are funny. Mostly they're loud and shout too much, but they're funny as well. We shall see. Another airplane reference. This time we're delayed at an airport. St Lous is the destination to a long-distance gal pal. Rest of SL getting to sleep alright tonight. Cowboy Don, far quieter than usual tonight and maintaining this entire airport gag. Typically they're stuck on a train and shouting at one another or (imaginarY0 fellow passengers. Tonight, they've gone with two strangers at an airport terminal but both are from the Pacific Northwest. Stillborn babies and Oregon Trail just came up. I'm as surprised as you are folks. Stamp collecting? “easy denise”