Blog #2

Caveats: The blogging sucked and the much ballyhooed "video" was totally fucked up by yours truly. Sorry, mea culpa! I'll be better next time. -Brian


Blue Shampoo

And we're back! Back for the second time, for some reason T.B.R. (“The Bryan Room,” if you will) was gracious enough to not fire me after last time's uh, interesting interpretation of the comedy that appeared on stage. Tonight, I've got a digital video camera and I'll be employing it for some official documentation. On stage right now we've got Blue Shampoo and we'll they need to clean up their act, get it? Huh, just got done videotaping for the first time and, well, I think it's gonna work pretty well. Tested out the zoom feature and yes, this digital video cam zooms in and zooms out. Oh, technology, will you ever cease to amaze me? Speaking of technology the Goodbar still doesn't have wifi so, I'll be stopping by a bar with wireless on my way home. Yeah, liveblogging isn't live, much like freedom isn't free.

Watching Blue Shampoo right now, it's a lot like watching a second baseman shagging balls, what? I don't really know what any of that last sentence means, but still, “cardinal desires?” Who in the Fuck is Freddy, how is this comedy? Again? The ingredients are here and the recipe just isn't working...

For the second time in as many liveblogs I'm missing some really awesome NBA action while doing liveblogging and Jesus! I'm out of beer and the sonofabitch bartenders won't notice my empty glass for the life of me. This afternoon I went on a date with a 31 year old who gave me her digits while I was working at the bar on Saturday night. I didn't realize she was 31 until halfway through the date today and her birthday is May 25. My birthday is next Tuesday and I'll be dining at Schwa. Also, a Bill Buckner joke? Listen, people don't give a shit about old Red Sox players except for old Red Sox fans like that jackhole Bill Simmons. I'm gonna go get another beer...

FrankenReagan:

And we're back, back with a new refilled beer. FrankenReagan doing some okay stuff on stage with one guy doing a very interesting interpretation of “Doug” Michael Showalter's old character from The State. FrankenReagan are talking about quizbowl vs football and how most of the team is shorter than the quizbowl character. “Pick a number.” “Three.” “I'll take 200.” Oh, Jesus! I can't believe that in fucking Lincoln Park I can't steal one goddamm wireless signal. How I yearn to know what the scores are. On my date today with the 31 year old we left with a hug and her saying, “I'm gonna visit you at work...” God, what a line! do people really like it when friends/sexual interests visit you at work?


Champagne Winners!


The champagne winners for tonight, btw: are Paul and his lady friend, Megan, whose name I cannot recall at the moment. Fret not! I shall learn her name posthaste. When we opened the bottle of bubbly a lot of the sparkling white spilled on the floor. Sorry, mea culpa. Champagne really not treating my stomach too well at this point. Very harsh, very acidic. It's not champagne either, this is definitely an amerikan sparkling white.

The Bryan Room:

Talking some retail jokes. Makin with the haha, I once worked retail and tried to sell computers to a guy. Erik from Bryan Room is doing a real good job of being a fussy charlie when it comes to buying merchandise for himself.

Paul and Megan are lovely champagne winners had a really rough time with dinner tonight, where it seemed like the waitstaff really fucked up their order. Megan ordered a turkey burger and they gave her an absolutely disgusting appearing turkery sandwich Fortunately, the courteous bartenders gave Megan and Paul a free shot. I didn't get a free shot-or any shot-but still! Nice work, Goodbar.

“All my decisions I hate them.”

Ohhghhh, really hoping that the next time I buy an appliance the movers don't put it in front of the only window in my apartment. So, TBR is going on some kind of a whirlwind comedy show, we've had interns being ridiculed, persian rug/appliance delivery men, retail guys & customer... I'm forgetting some stuff but still it's been fun. Up next we've got those funny guys Nick and Jamie who ALSO! have a debut performance at the Balliwick Theatre on Friday. Does anybody else really have a problem with how Chicagoans pronounce the word, “chicago??” Simply can't stand the enunciation.

Batch 285

Jamie, Nick, Nick all making funny. Tonight the subject is forest fires and the boys are just letting the bitch burn! Four firefighters discussing how their lovers handle the dynamics of dating firefighters who want to be black knights. Five years from now? Killing the pope. Did I get the job? Hey, you know what's funny? Your kid having AIDS after acquiring it from the dentist. Yeah, so my friends are hosting a birthday bbq for me on Saturday and I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna bring some pot brownies to the whole shebang and not tell anyone. “Yeah, I made some guacamole, some brownies and I brought a 12 pack of a microbrew!” No one's the wiser...

Blog #1

Cutlass Supreme:

Well, let's do some blogging. There's one guy in this troupe who's much meatier than the rest. Speaking of meaty! I had the best and most meaty chicken burrito from Q-Doba today. The owner of the ironically named “Goodbar” scolded me for bringing that delicious tortilla wrapped sandwich of “pollo” up into his establishment but still it was tasty.

Whoa! Somebody in this “comedy” group just dropped an F Bomb! and my ears are scorching. Next a sexual allusion gag between a guy and a girl. The guy reminds me of what Andy Dick should've been when he was 14. The girl, a superbly flirtatious Southerner, I assume. Now they're talking more about dessert foods. Hey, if it's not QDOBA it's probably not delicious and definitely not funny. These people are humorous though, don't get me wrong. The one guy reminds me of the girl I lost my virginity to. She was a 31 year old, so, I suppose the term “woman” is much more apt.

Jesus! These people are trying to make God funny. Meanwhile, the waitstaff is busting through this performance guns a'blazin' with orders of what? “Hot Wings” “Hey Fatty, there's plenty more high fructose corn-syrup in that “Hot and Tangy” sauce to go around, so why not save your mantits some stress and share the wings. That really didn't make sense. Sorry. I'll try harder next time I try to make a joke.

Now we're talking! These guys are making fun of retards or drunks, both of which I find to be comic gold! Yep! They've got a retard who's drunk. Perfect! Fuck, what happened? No more drunk retard? Food critics? That's not funny. Well, not as funny as a drunk retard.

The lights dimmed for a second, I assume because of some drunken reprobate slipping or falling into the power breakers in the basement. Okay, I zoned out for the last skit but now they've got some funny porn/elementary bake school jazz going and I always roll with that. Well played, Cutlass Supreme, well played.
Now they're discussing the Nazis and gold. Not funny. Only good thing to come from the Holocaust-Dead Jew jokes. Fact of Science. Well, maybe some Nazi gold jokes about the American government being broke without it are funny.

The lights come down and the music starts and the show rolls on.

Nate Fernald

Nate recently netflixed Dragon Wars *to be noted at this point I, the blogger, interrupted Nate to find out how spell his last name. He was very polite about the whole matter. Nate, I'm sorry I interrupted. Nate just sold the rights to “Anne Frank: The Blog” also he's apparently got terrible taste in movies.

Oh! I should note there's a free bottle of champagne (though methinks it's technically a “sparkling white.”)

Meanwhile, Nate just made an “Internet” joke about myspace while talking about pizza. Awesome! Also, myspace? not facebook? Dude, you're game is sooo 2005.Wait, he just dropped a mad pedophillia zinger. Good work.
What? Discussing gentrification? gangs? white people? I guess it all makes sense if not funny. Ties in the bad movie joke with a Saw reference, good work. Nate's getting down with chocolate and chicks but also arguing against date rape which, of course, leaves me conflicted! Yet stil manages to tie it together with a marriage and sex joke. Kudos, sir.


Champagne Winners are...
Bangin'. Straight Bangin'!

Alright the lucky two Hardy Boys for tonight were Jamie and Kenny and they are chuggin' the champagne (sparkling white wine) straight from the bottle. Sirs, I salute you both. You're Cornhole skills are the stuff of legend.

Dr. Bearhugg:
Now we're making fun of airplanes? I thought that happened in a movie called, “Airplane” but these guys are doing what they have to. Also, they are pretty fucking funny. Jack off? I haven't heard masturbation referred to as that in a long time. *Note to self reintroduce the term “Jack Off” into my parlance. Also, dropping a Kathy Ireland reference, nice work. Remember that amazing bathing suit she wore on the 1990 SI cover? Heck! Some things were more rad pre-Internet, but not blogging, no sirree. Blogging is much cooler now that the World Wide Web has opened things up.

These guys-not sure what they're talking about- BUT they did just drop a hilarious Christmas Eve joke. Also at same time they're talking about weather and ass-kicking and cripples.

The Bryan Room:

Alright, The Bryan Room are doing their thing. Meanwhile, I'll be checking out for the next 7-9 minutes for no real reason. Also, did I mention that Golden State vs Dallas is on right now and I'm missing it because of this damn live-blogging crap. I won't want to but I may have to boycott the first round of the NBA playoffs if Golden State doesn't make the playoffs. Seriously, Sean is in rare form tonight! “Spinal Tap of Aisan!” that's the standout line thus far. I've got some standout boogers right now, that's one of the few bonuses of getting over a cold, along with regaining sense of taste and/or smell. But radical boogers way up there. Back to checking out and wondering what's happening in G-State vs Dallas. Meanwhile back at the ranch, Sean was doing some mime bowling for a moment and I'm really wondering about that Q-Doba burrito. Oh and the waitstaff are once again interrupting the tables of audience members.

Jamie knows how to party. That's right ladies and he's single!
Champagne update: Kenny, he of the funny thing about Kenny is he can't drink from a bottle, is that he can't drink from a bottle. Jamie and I are over here having an amazing time taking pulls from the bottle of J. Roget (American) “Champagne” (Sparkling White) and Kenny (“Mr Frenchman Dr. Bearhugg”) is too good for us.

“The thing about cops is they're nobody left to police us.” “The thing about criminals is you've got other criminals doing criminals.”

Cowboy Don:

These guys are funny. Mostly they're loud and shout too much, but they're funny as well. We shall see. Another airplane reference. This time we're delayed at an airport. St Lous is the destination to a long-distance gal pal. Rest of SL getting to sleep alright tonight. Cowboy Don, far quieter than usual tonight and maintaining this entire airport gag. Typically they're stuck on a train and shouting at one another or (imaginarY0 fellow passengers. Tonight, they've gone with two strangers at an airport terminal but both are from the Pacific Northwest. Stillborn babies and Oregon Trail just came up. I'm as surprised as you are folks. Stamp collecting? “easy denise”